In this episode, Brett discusses ways on how to easily deal with anger.
Hello, Brett Campbell here and today we’re going to talk about how you can handle and how you deal with anger. Now you’re either one of two types of person. You’re the person that just gets frustrated, smoke comes out of your ears, your hair stands on end or you’re the type of person who seems to just never get angry. I mean, people ask me all the time, they go man, you never get angry, why don’t you get angry at these type of things. I used to, but now I’ve learned how to be able to deal and develop strategies on how I can process the current situation. Take someone driving and cutting you off for example. We’ve all been there, we’ve all done it. Okay.
Now if you have never, ever cut anyone off and then someone cuts you off, I could probably understand how you’re getting a little bit angry about that because it’s not the right thing to do. You could have almost had a crash but using a principle that’s from Steven Covey, the seek first to understand principle, where, and that’s from the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, highly recommend you read that book. That principle talks about seeking first, imagine that person who has driven out there, I don’t think they meant to cut you off on purpose.
Now there’s not many people out there who are driving cars going, I’m going to cut off some people today. They’re not like that. They’re just probably or possibly not the best drivers and maybe they do need to get some lessons, but getting angry about the situation is not going to solve the, or give you the outcome that you’re probably looking for. Imagine going into a situation, something happens and you’re just, inside you’re like oh I’m so angry, but on the outside you just look calm. Calm, you’re taking it in, you’re like wow, I don’t agree with this but let it happen, unfold, work through the emotion.
I want to give you a quick background on the two ways that we can only handle emotions. There’s either the expression or the suppression. The expression, there’s three emotions that fold under the expression that are seen as socially acceptable to express and that’s peace, that’s joy and that’s love. It’s cool to walk up to someone and give them a handshake, then give them a hug when we’ve met them, when you’ve seen them, maybe a good friend. You’re giving them a big hug or maybe you’re just seen your partner just come off a plane, you go up, give them a big kiss. That’s acceptable. Love is acceptable.
Being happy is acceptable whilst if you’re watching media you probably think something different. Of course peace being peace. You know those type of people, you can just look at them and go man, they just look so peaceful right now. Then there’s three emotions that are not socially acceptable to express and that’s anger, that’s having an outrage at someone walking down the street, start yelling. That’s not acceptable. That’s not acceptable behaviour, not for any adult any how. The next is fear. It’s not acceptable to be running down the street, the world’s going to end, the sky is falling. Remember that Chicken Licken song?
That’s really not an acceptable way to behave. Then there’s sadness. You’re not going to walk down the street crying, balling your eyes out because it’s, people are going to start looking because it’s not socially accepted. What happens is when you don’t get to express the emotion, it starts suppressing itself and building itself up inside. Imagine a cup dripping a drop of water, drop of water, drop of water over time there’s going to be so much water in there it’s going to get to the top and it’s going to start to overflow. That my friend is where your anger starts to take a turn for the worse.
If you are someone and you’ve used the excuse, I’ve got a short fuse, no, no, you’ve just got a full anger glass right now. We just need to empty that. I’m going to show you how you can do that. If you’re someone who’s always crying, then you need to work through some unresolved emotional issues because you shouldn’t just be straight onto the highest end of the emotion immediately. You need to go through that process. Of course fear, if you’re someone who’s always scared then there’s obviously some fears that you may need to overcome and there’s ways that you can do that.
I want to talk about anger today and how you can resolve anger and how I go about keeping my cup below quarter full because I know internally when I start to feel that, man I’m starting to get angry at the littlest things, the littlest things, I know that I’ve got some unresolved anger in me. I don’t know exactly where it’s come from, what it is etc. You don’t need to know that right now, especially when you’re doing, when you go into deeper emotional therapy work you then obviously need to uncover what it is but if it’s just the cup filling up, you’re allowed to empty it, there’s a valve.
Here’s the valve that I use and it’s about going into a safe environment. Generally it can be anywhere. You can drive out somewhere to where no one is or you can do it in your bedroom. It doesn’t matter, on your lounge floor, it does not matter where you do it. Get a pillow or a boxing bag and this is the key thing, this is where people go wrong. People think getting on a boxing bag and just smashing out some punches is good. Whilst it is good, it does relieve a lot of tension, there’s one fundamental shift that you’re doing wrong and what you’re doing is, you’re letting that anger, that emotion control the release phase. Think about that.
You’re letting the emotion control the release phase. If you’re in control throughout the entire anger session, what you’re doing is you’re saying look anger, I’m the boss here. Let me deal with you how I see fit. You get the boxing bag or the pillow, put it on the floor and you start banging. Closed fist, you start banging like so. You need to breathe. Don’t hold your breath. Don’t be holding your breath on this because you’ll go pale and you’ll pass out and we don’t want that because you’ll probably wake up angry. No, you won’t do that.
It’s a controlled punch like so and I’m going to give you a quick demo. This is going to be pretty weird but it’s like. I’m breathing through and I’m exerting force when I’m doing it because what you’re doing is, you need to bring that anger up. You need to bring that anger up. Whilst you may not be ready to blow smoke out of your ears, you’re still going to have that sense of anger within you. You need to put your hand in the cup and go, here I’m coming, here I’m coming and you go through that process, you slightly get harder and a little bit faster.
You don’t ever go like this, because you’re losing control of the emotion. You’re in control, you’re the bus driver here, so bang and you’re going to go to exhaustion. Until you feel that there’s nothing else there. This is going to be very hard for you if you’ve never done this before and you’re attempting it the first time, what can happen is you can do it and you go oh, that didn’t work because you didn’t go far enough. Now if you’re doing it and your partner’s home or you got kids at home, let them know that okay, I’m going to be making some noise.
Don’t be worried, don’t be concerned because it’s okay, I’m okay. I’m just doing a fun game, whatever, however you want to frame it. I’d literally be teaching my children that’s what I’m doing if you did have children and you were concerned about that. That’s for another video but in this case, we’re going back through control. Go to exhaustion, because what you’re doing, you need to empty that cup. When it gets down to the lower part you want to empty it and that’s where the hard work starts. What you may find is, you may end up crying because it’s very, very common when trying to release anger you’re going through the other emotions.
You’re releasing fear, so you’re releasing the fear, whatever fear is around that and you’re also releasing the sadness. It’s okay to cry, in fact I really encourage you to let it out because there’s nothing better than a good cry, right, you’re with me. That’s why movies have been created that elicit emotional responses such as sadness. You watch it because what happens is, let’s say for example someone passes away that you love and care for. A lot of people suppress that sadness and all the sudden they’ll see a movie with a sort of related issue and they’ll be crying.
It’s because you haven’t resolved and you haven’t emptied the cup of emotion. I really hope that serves you and I really encourage you to take that up because I know first hand that it works. It works and it’s amazing. I encourage you do it tonight. Even if you’re not angry right now, just get in there, do that session. You may go for, you may need to go for a minute, two minutes, three minutes, whatever it takes for you. You will end up getting through it. You’ll know when it’s there. Don’t just stop because you’re oh, this isn’t working.
I’m Brett Campbell, until next time go out there and live with intention, love with passion and never give up on your dreams.