Deep down we really want to help others. We have a desire to contribute. Yet in society today, asking for help is often seen as a sign of WEAKNESS.
As a collective we need to spread the message that it is ok to ask for help!
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Hello. It’s Brett Campbell here and I want to welcome you to today’s video where I’m going to talk about the topic of asking for help. I believe this is a topic that really we need to as a collective, as a society, community. We need to start bringing more awareness around this particular topic. I’m going to tackle it from two angles. One angle is generally the reasons as to why we don’t want help or we don’t seek out help. Then the flip side to that on why it is actually a bad thing. Why is it actually a bad thing that you are not actually asking for help? I want to start by just debunking some of the general reasons as to why we, and I bring myself into this as well because I’ve been through this and I still struggle with this on a daily basis as well at times, and it’s the reason as to why we don’t ask for help.
One reason, in particular, is that we don’t want to become a burden on someone else’s shoulders. What we’ve done is we’ve automatically decided what we believe the other person is going to be thinking, right? Think about that for a minute. We don’t want to become a burden to someone else. I say this one because I often get asked from people in communities and they say, “Look, I know you’re busy and I don’t want to take out much of your time, but …” Then they ask for help. It’s like, “Look, firstly, let me decide whether or not you’re going to be a burden on my shoulders.” Think about that. Are you stopping yourself or are you inhibiting yourself from moving forward because you don’t want to become a burden to someone else? Let that person, let that person decide whether or not you’re going to become a burden.
The second reason is to why a lot of us and most people don’t ask for help is we don’t want to appear as though we are weak. This is a really, really big one. I get this a lot with a lot of my coaching clients. What will happen is it will get to a point where it almost reaches critical disaster zone and then you’ll stick your hand, “Okay. Look, I need help now.” If you have had asked for help before it got too out of control, before you had no idea of what to do, before there was no other avenues for you take, so it’s about trying to hit these things before they actually get to the worst possible situation. In a business sense, people will come to me and they’ll go “Okay, I need your help. I’ve got no money. I’ve absolutely no income coming in. I’ve got all these bills piling up. How do I fix it?”
It’s the reason why, and I’ll stick my hand up with this one, is people don’t want to appear weak. For me, at the start, when I was starting to build my business and start, really starting to try and live my mission, my purpose in life, I didn’t really want to ask for help too much because I didn’t want to appear weak. I didn’t want to appear like I wasn’t doing well. That in itself, for me, I feel and I believe now wholeheartedly that if you don’t ask for help, you’re being weak. You’re not being weak by asking for help because as a community, as a collective, we all are there for each other, really. The majority of people are there and we really do want to help. Don’t feel that you’re appearing weak if you ask someone or if you ask someone “Hey, I don’t really understand this, but can you please help me with it?”
Now, we’re getting that a lot on the health and fitness space where people won’t ask questions because they don’t want to feel dumb or they don’t want to feel like they don’t know what’s happening. You know what, we don’t know everything. Don’t feel that by asking a question, you’re going to feel inferior or you’re going to feel silly. Now, there are a lot of silly questions out there. There are a lot of silly questions out there at times, but what we need to understand is that that’s what that person is doing. They’re doing the best of what they’ve got currently. They’re doing the best of what they’ve got currently.
Now, imagine you are going to enter into a totally new atmosphere, totally new zone. Let’s say you’ve never really done any work in health and fitness space. A carbohydrate to you, you may not even know what a carbohydrate is and a lot of people actually don’t. Now, they’ve heard the word, but they don’t know what it is. It gets to a point where they feel that they should know it, they feel that they should know what’s going on so they won’t ask for help or they won’t ask for clarity on it.
I remember this at high school. I was the kid who always put up his hand, I always. I’ve never had a struggle of asking for help when I didn’t understand something fully, but what happened was something that totally change the way that I entered into business and the way that I sort of thought about asking for help moving forward. In high school, I always ask for help. I’d stick my hand up and go, “Excuse me, Miss, Excuse me, Sir, I don’t know what’s happening” and it got to a point where I actually got in trouble for asking for help too often and I was more so got in trouble for just putting up my hand too frequently and they wanted to continue on with the lesson.
Now, that right there is a critical point in someone’s life. Maybe you’ve been told or maybe you’ve been made to feel inferior or maybe you’ve been made to feel dumb at some stage. Look, we’ve all been through, we all go through it. It’s something that we have to put up with, we have to deal with, but the way in which you decide to move forward from that is going to determine whether or not you’re going to be moving forward in the way that you want to live your life. I really just want you to think about this, if you’re ever been made to feel dumb, if you’re ever been made to feel silly, don’t let that be the thing that stops you from asking for help.
Another reason people don’t ask for help is because they don’t want to feel obligated. They don’t want to feel like, “Uh, if I ask for help then that person is going to ask me for help and I don’t really want to help,” et cetera and that’s where I just really challenge you to look at The Law of Reciprocity. It’s do unto others as you want done unto you. It’s not necessarily about favour for a favour. I think as a society, we really need to get out of this mindset. It’s like when you walk into a bar with your friends and they go, “I’ll buy the first round. You get the next round” or you take someone out to dinner and they’re like, “Okay, you buy the next one.” It doesn’t need to be this one for one, one for one thought mentality.
I think as a collective, we can all come together and we can help where we can. If we can help where we can, you’re going to receive help from people that you may never, technically, help the way that they’ve helped you. Be okay with that, be okay with that being the norm because that’s the only way as a society we’re going to be able to move forward and be able to help as many people as we possibly can.
Now, I want to look at reasons why I feel it is imperative. It is absolutely imperative that you start helping for help. The first thing is that we need to understand that most people want to help us. Think about it. If someone came to you and really asked you for help, what would your first reaction be? For me, it’s “Sure, what can I do? How can I point you in the right direction?” Now, that may be help with some knowledge, it might be help with advice, it may be help with connecting them with someone else who I know could help them even better. There’s many different ways of how we can help others. Remember that when you ask for help, people are out there waiting to help you. People are waiting to help you.
The second thing is that you are actually doing a disservice to not only yourself, but you’re to your friends, your loved ones, and everyone in your close vicinity. Why? Because if you’re not asking for help, what you’re doing at times is you’re slowing and even halting your growth trajectory. It may be something simple like “How do I build a website? How do I teach my kids to stop yelling?” Whatever it is for you, whatever it is for you, there is help there. You’re not the only person in this world or in this planet that has gone through or is going through what you’re currently going through. Someone has been there, someone has done it. More than likely, someone has written a book about it. There’s a lot of information out there. Remember, you are doing disservice because you’re halting your growth which in turn halts everyone else around you as a collective.
Think about it. If you’re not learning or let’s say you’ve got anger issues and you got a really short fuse. Okay? You got a really short fuse and you just get frustrated really quickly and you know that. You’re not asking for help on how you can improve that. What message is that sending to your friends, to your family members, to your children, or whoever, your work colleagues, your employees? If you’re one of those bosses that just flip the lid.
I remember, I had a boss actually who used to come out into our factory and one of their apprentices stuffed up a job one day. He came out. I was like, “Oh, no. Here we go. This is not gonna be good” and this young apprentice was actually routering, He had a router and he’s routing door hinges into doors and he made a few mistakes. The boss came out and instead of addressing it in a nice, composed manner, and pointing out where he went wrong and where he could have fixed it, he picked up all doors and started throwing the doors over the factory. I was like, “Aah!” No, the entire factory was like, “Oh, my God. Here it goes again.” I wish he have had asked for help on how he could have improved that because it would have helped everyone else around.
The last point that I really want you to think about is why you and why I believe it is imperative that you ask for help is it’s the only way we’re going to grow. It’s the only way we’re going to ever grow and it’s the only way we’re ever going to be able to live our life of purpose and our life of meaning. There are people out there who want to help you. You’re one of them. I know you’re a person who wants to help others. Let’s join together as a collective and help each other grow.
I want to set you a challenge before we leave here today is I want you to think about three people and if you’re an overachiever, think of more people. I want you to think of three people right now that you are going to help immediately after watching this. Helping can consist simply of sending an SMS, getting on the phone, sending an email and just letting them know, say, “Hey. Look, you mean the world to me. I want you to know that I’m here for you whenever you need me for whatever cause. Just know that, that you can reach out to me.” That holds so much power. I can’t express how much power that holds and the ability to really create strong relationships and a network of support and protection. I do this regularly. I do it at least every month. I’ll send messages to people that are in my life, that I just “Hey. Look, I think this person may really benefit from a message like this right now” or just letting someone know that you’re there. Just let someone know you’re there.
Take up the challenge. Three people who you are going to reach out to and just let them know that you can help. Just let them know that you can help because there’s two parts to it. Like I said, there’s that asking for help, but then there’s being the proactive person who can actually “Hey, ask someone if they need help.” I really hope this video has been of service to you. Until next time. I want you to go live with intention, love with passion, and never give up on your dreams.